


Tearing at the Seams

by Isilarma



Series: Tales of the Founders [11]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-09
Updated: 2013-06-09
Packaged: 2017-12-14 11:13:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/836272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isilarma/pseuds/Isilarma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone has a breaking point. Godric discovers what happens when Salazar reaches his, and learns far more than he ever expected to in the process.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tearing at the Seams

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This one is set a couple of months before 'All It Took Was a Manticore,' so Godric and Salazar have been travelling together for nearly a year. Salazar is still thirteen, and Godric has just turned eighteen. I hope you all enjoy it.
> 
> Written for the Weasley's Wizard Wheezes Competition (Bruise-Remover Paste), the HP Potions Competition (Bruise-Removal Paste), the Quidditch Positions Competition (Referee), the Gemstones Competition (Carnelian), the Greenhouses Competition (Bamboo), the Colours Competition (Red, negative), and the Quidditch Category Competition (Nimbus 2000).
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and am not affiliated with Bloomsbury or Scholastic Inc.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Dear Rowena,_

_Thank you for your letter; it was good to hear from you. I am glad to hear your father is recovering from his accident. Could you please pass along my appreciation for those Charms he located? They have been extremely useful, though I'm not sure your mother would entirely approve._

_Everything has been fairly quiet recently. There was a minor incident with a troll a few weeks back, but nothing too serious. Salazar has an interest in magical creatures, and together we were able to subdue it without too much trouble. He really is progressing very well._

_I must admit though that he is beginning to worry me. His behaviour has been odd of late, and he is refusing to tell me why._

Godric set down his quill and sighed. As much as he enjoyed writing to Rowena, his concern for Salazar was too strong to ignore. He pushed the letter to one side and ran a hand through his unruly red hair.

"Little irritant."

Things had been going well. Salazar had almost given up his escape attempts, and the last two had been distinctly half-hearted at that, and he was more willing to listen to what Godric tried to teach him. True, he was still intrigued by the Dark Arts, but he had kept his promise of teaching Godric how to brew some of the simpler potions, and had even begun sharing some of his own curses and hexes. He had even started smiling. Not often, but it was a remarkable change from the furious boy he had first encountered.

But the past couple of weeks had been different. Salazar hadn't smiled, or even smirked, and Godric hadn't heard him speak more than a few words at a time. He had been moody and secretive, leaving early in the morning and not returning until well after dark. Godric would have demanded answers days ago had it not been for the nightmares.

It had been a week ago that he first heard moans coming from Salazar's room. Godric was no stranger to bad dreams; he had his demons, and he knew Salazar had his own. Neither of them talked about it, each unwilling to let the other in. But when Salazar started screaming, Godric could not simply stand by and do nothing.

"Salazar, wake up! It's not real, it's just a dream!" He reached for his wand, and cursed when he realised he had left it in his room. "Damn it Salazar, wake up before you wake the entire inn!"

Salazar's eyes flew open and he sat bolt upright. "Get away!"

"Calm down!" Godric grabbed his arm, but let go with a yelp as a jolt of magic shot through him. "Salazar!"

Salazar didn't seem to hear him. He was staring straight ahead, ashen-faced and shaking like a leaf. Godric hovered next to the bed, wary of getting too close, but unwilling to leave.

"Are you all right?"

Salazar jerked at the sound. "F-fine." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Salazar-"

"It was just a nightmare. I am fine."

"No, you're not," said Godric gently. "Salazar, what's wrong?"

Salazar's expression closed. "Nothing." He refused to meet Godric's eyes. "Thank you for waking me. Now if you don't mind, I would like to try to get some sleep."

Godric hesitated, but he had known Salazar long enough to know the futility of trying to talk to him when he was in this mood. "All right then. Sleep well." He could have sworn he saw Salazar shiver as he lay back down.

"Right."

From there, things had only gone downhill. Salazar had flatly refused to discuss the nightmare, had barely spoken at all in fact. He had put up Silencing Charms ever since, but it was obvious from the pallor of his skin and the dark circles under his eyes that his nights had not improved. He spent as much time as possible out of the inn, and when Godric did see him he was ill-tempered and restless.

Godric sighed. He wanted to help. Salazar might have started out as a responsibility, but it had not taken him long to begin to care for the boy. Salazar never spoke about his past, but Godric had encountered enough Dark Arts masters to have a good idea of what their idea of 'teaching' would be like, and he could only wonder what had driven Salazar, who could have studied anywhere he wished, to seek out such tuition. Once he might have dismissed it as the typical behaviour of a power-hungry young man, but the past few months had told a very different story. Salazar was cold, and utterly without mercy to those he considered his enemies, but surprisingly gentle, even compassionate, to those who were innocent, especially children. He was a mystery, and one that Godric found increasingly bewildering.

A light tap of wood on wood startled him from his thoughts, and he looked up.

"Good morning, Salazar." He was disappointed, but not surprised, when Salazar just grunted and continued on without pausing. "Where are you going?"

"Out."

Godric frowned and got to his feet. "That is not an answer."

"It is the only one you are getting."

"Salazar-" But the door had already slammed shut.

Godric pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to quell his anger. Something was wrong, and he was fed up with not knowing what it was. And if Salazar wouldn't tell him, well, he would just have to find out for himself.

Trailing Salazar was never a simple matter. Not only was he small and naturally sneaky, he had superb senses and an uncanny instinct for knowing when someone's attention was on him. Fortunately, Godric was no slouch in the tracking department; years of hunting Dark wizards and creatures had seen to that. It helped that Salazar's preoccupation meant that he wasn't nearly as aware of his surroundings as he normally was. Even so, Godric still had to keep his wits about him as he followed Salazar's slight figure through the town.

To his surprise, Salazar led him not to any of the buildings, but to the surrounding hills. Godric followed, his curiosity rising. What was he doing?

They soon left the town behind, the familiar sounds blending into silence, and Godric found he had to be even more cautious. He had made the mistake of underestimating Salazar's hearing before, and the memory was still enough to make him wince. The terrain did not help; the rocky surface crunched with every step, and he was quick to cast Silencing Charms. Up ahead, he saw Salazar stumble and grimaced in sympathy, but the boy just carried on walking. Godric shook his head and followed.

As they walked, Godric began to feel uneasy. It was far too quiet, and he was very glad for his wand. Then his unease coalesced into outright anxiety as he passed a collection of small rocks. Small rocks, which had originally formed one whole. Godric recognised the effects of a Blasting Curse when he saw it, and looking around, it was easy to pick out signs of other curses too.

His first thought was that a battle had taken place, but the marks were too precise for that. Godric let out an explosive curse.

"That idiot."

Salazar's familiarity with the area now made a lot more sense. Godric scowled and picked up his pace. Salazar might have demons, but this was not the way to deal with them. He ducked around a large boulder, only to freeze as the tip of a wand jabbed into his throat. Silver eyes glared at him.

"What have I told you about following me?"

Godric glared right back at him. "What have I told you about being careful?"

"Which of us just got caught?" He lowered his wand and folded his arms. "What do you want?"

Godric rubbed his throat. "You didn't have to be quite so rough."

"Why are you here, Godric?"

"Am I not allowed to be concerned?"

Salazar turned away. "There is no need for concern. I am fine."

"Really? Those blast marks disagree." He shook his head. "Salazar, I don't know what's going on-"

"Because it's none of your business."

"But I know that wearing yourself out every day is not the best way to deal with it," Godric continued calmly.

Salazar's eyes narrowed. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

"Only because you won't tell me. How can I help when I don't know what's wrong?"

"I don't need your help!"

"A blind man could see that you need help! Why are you being so stubborn?"

"Leave me alone, Godric," Salazar spat. "This is something you cannot understand."

"Try me."

"Are you deaf as well as stupid? I don't want you here."

"Well that is a pity, because I am not leaving unless you talk to me."

Salazar's eyes glinted. "I will make you."

Godric recognised that look. "Don't do this, Sal." He realised too late that that was a mistake as Salazar's expression turned murderous.

"Do not call me Sal!"

Godric blocked the curse with ease, only to find it rapidly followed by two more. "Salazar, what do you think you're doing?"

"What does it look like I am doing?" There was another flurry of hexes. Godric deflected all of them, but made no move to retaliate yet.

"Do not be stupid. Drop your wand and let's talk about this."

"I am sick of talking!" Salazar screamed. "Angior!"

Godric's patience, already wearing thin, snapped completely as he recognised that last curse as a Dark one. "Fine. Let's fight instead." He blocked the spell and shot off Stunning and Disarming Spells in quick succession. Salazar raised a shield, his silver eyes flashing.

"Finally!

"Salazar, stop this!"

"Stop telling me what to do!"

It was quickly turning into one of the most difficult duels Godric had ever fought. Salazar lacked his experience, but his natural cunning served as a good replacement, and his rage leant him power. Godric almost found himself regretting having taught him so much, but at the same time, a small part of him couldn't help but feel pride in his student's skill, and his concern rose up again.

"Salazar please, just tell me what's wrong."

Salazar responded instead with another flurry of curses. "Stop holding back!" Godric blocked the spells, but missed the rock that slammed into his back and sent him stumbling forwards.

"Why won't you fight?"

Godric took a deep breath. If talking wouldn't work... He opened his eyes and glared at the younger boy.

"Very well."

This time, he didn't hold back. All the knowledge he had gained from years of training, the experience won through constant battles, all of it was directed directly at Salazar, and the boy staggered under the assault. But it wasn't enough to break through his shields, and Salazar came back with another string of Dark hexes. His hair was crackling with magic, and Godric knew that he wasn't holding back either. He didn't understand what was going on, or why it was so important, but he suddenly found that he didn't care. For the first time in a long time, he let go of all his inhibitions and threw himself into the battle.

It was a duel unlike anything either of them had ever experienced. Each used every spell, every strategy, every trick in their arsenal; Light and Dark, lethal and harmless, none were left untried. Before long, Godric's lungs were burning with the effort, and he was limping from a deep gash across his thigh. Salazar was in an even worse state; Godric had caught him in the chest with a Bludgeoning Charm and he was gasping for breath but, if anything, it had only served as fuel for his fury.

In the end, it was Godric's greater experience and stamina that made the difference. Salazar's arm dropped for a brief second, but that was all the opening Godric needed. One well-placed Disarming Spell sent Salazar's wand spinning through the arm, and Salazar himself crashing to the ground.

Godric lowered his wand and glared at him.

"If you are quite finished-"

He had thought Salazar to be exhausted, and so the staff that slammed into his ankles took him completely by surprise. The shock made him stumble, and another blow sent him to his knees. A moment later he gasped as Salazar's fist collided with his cheek.

"You little-"

"All thought of using magic went straight out of his head. Godric blocked the next punch with one arm and lashed out. The blow landed, and Salazar landed next to him with a muffled yelp. Godric didn't waste the opportunity; a trick his older cousins had taught him left Salazar pinned beneath him. Salazar struggled furiously, but Godric greater strength and weight were enough to keep him trapped.

Godric took the opportunity to catch his breath; the duel had taken a lot more out of him than he had expected. He knew Salazar had to be feeling even worse, and another surge of pride welled up as the boy continued to fight. Eventually though, even Salazar's willpower gave out, and he fell still. Godric waited a few minutes more before he finally spoke.

"Are you all right?" His anger had faded, lost in the fury of the fight, but his concern, and curiosity, had only increased. Salazar didn't answer and he sighed.

"Do you promise to behave if I let you up?"

There was another long pause, but eventually Salazar nodded. Godric rolled off him and sat up, grateful for the chance to stretch his sore muscles. He kept one eye on Salazar, and what he saw only confirmed his fears. The boy was obviously in pain, but he did not make a sound and his face was completely blank. He sat where he had fallen, making no attempt to move or argue, and that concerned Godric far more than his earlier rage.

"Salazar, are you all right?"

Salazar nodded once, but otherwise continued to stare into space. His face was bone grey, and Godric noted with alarm that he was shaking.

"Salazar, talk to me." He shuffled closer, careful to keep out of arm's reach. "What is wrong?"

Salazar's lips moved, but his words were too quiet for Godric to make out.

"What was that?"

It was a long moment before Salazar repeated himself. "Too weak."

Godric stared at him. "What?"

"Too weak. Can't fight."

"What do you call what you just did then? Salazar, you're younger than me, and I've been doing this for years. It doesn't mean you're weak."

"I lost. That means I'm weak." His voice dropped to a whisper. "Always too weak."

Godric frowned. "Well, if you will insist on picking fights with people bigger than you..." He broke off when Salazar flinched. "Salazar?"

"I can't afford to be weak."

Godric shook his head in exasperation. "You are not weak. Salazar, you push me further than anyone since the Order. You'll be a match for practically anyone once you grow a bit more." He waited, but the expected sarcastic retort never came. He sighed. "All right. Why can't you afford to be weak?" He wasn't really expecting an answer, and so was surprised when Salazar drew in a deep, shuddering breath.

"So I won't be hurt again. So no one else will die."

Though the day was warm, Godric felt a sudden chill. Salazar had never spoken of his past before. "Tell me."

For a long, long moment, Godric thought he had pushed too much. Then Salazar's shoulders slumped.

"I suppose it has been long enough." He let out a long sigh, one hand going to massage his leg. "Do you know what day it is?"

Godric studied him, taking note of his body language and earlier words. "The day you were hurt."

Slowly, Salazar nodded. "Yes. But there is more to it than that."

Godric swallowed. "More?" The pain in Salazar's eyes froze him in place, even as the words came.

"It is also the day that they were murdered."

Godric could only stare at him. He had guessed something of the sort, but to have it confirmed so bluntly... Salazar continued to speak, his eyes locked on Godric's.

"They were killed right in front of me. When I tried to intervene they beat me, broke my leg and left me for dead."

His voice was completely flat, and Godric had to wonder if he had ever told anyone else this. He wet suddenly dry lips.

"How long ago?"

Salazar closed his eyes. "I was eight."

He had carried this burden all alone for five years... Godric forced himself to speak calmly through his horror.

"That does not mean that you are weak."

Salazar's eyes opened, and Godric was stunned by the self-loathing in them. "They died and I could do nothing!" he spat. "That is weakness."

"You were a child," Godric snapped. "You did more than anyone could expect a child to do." And paid the price for it.

Salazar looked away. "It was not enough."

Godric had to resist the urge to shake him. "Salazar, you are one of the strongest people I know. To have survived that and not given into hatred-"

"But I did give in! Why do you think I began to study the Dark Arts?" He shook his head. "I saw a way to become stronger and I took it."

Godric just looked at him. "If that is true, then why did you not continue to study them?"

Salazar blinked, momentarily startled from his anger. "How could I? You were not exactly likely to let me go."

Godric snorted. "Give me some credit, Salazar. You know far more than you told me, probably more than I still know. It would not have been difficult for you to slip away." Salazar's mouth opened, but Godric didn't give him a chance to speak. "So the question is why didn't you?"

Salazar swallowed. "You were teaching me. It was interesting."

"I am glad to hear it, but I think there is more to it than that." Salazar's eyes widened, but Godric kept talking. "I think you were glad of the chance to get out. I think you knew you could do so much more than that."

Salazar shook his head. "Or I was just too scared."

"And yet you still did it," said Godric gently. "That does not sound like weakness to me."

Salazar ducked his head. "That doesn't change the fact that I lost."

Godric rolled his eyes. "Salazar, I've been trained to fight ever since I was tall enough to lift a training sword. You learn quickly, but I've still got over a decade's experience on you." He laid a hand on Salazar's shoulder, and was relieved when the boy didn't flinch at his touch. "You are more than a match for anyone you might face. Believe me; I've got the bruises to prove it."

Salazar stared down. "I am sorry for attacking you," he whispered.

Godric gave his shoulder a light squeeze. "I have had much worse," he assured him. "Though where did you learn you throw a punch?"

Finally, a ghost of a smile flickered across Salazar's face. "An older apprentice taught me. He said I should be able to take people by surprise."

Godric touched the swelling gingerly. "I'm just glad you did not use your knives." He shot a quick glance sideways. "So, do you do this every year?"

Salazar's smile faded. "Not the first year. I was still staying with Selene, and I could not afford to lose control. And it was easier with her there. It was only after I started studying..." He trailed off with a shiver.

"Why?"

Salazar rolled a loose rock along the ground. "I couldn't tell anyone. They would not have cared, or would have used it against me. I became so angry at everything and everyone; I had to find some way to release it." He swallowed and looked up. "And I found the nightmares were a little easier when I was too drained to dwell on it."

Godric had to fight the urge to inquire after these Dark wizards. To try to use such an experience against a child... He forced himself back to the subject at hand.

"And this time?"

"After a few years, it became a habit."

Godric shook his head. "Why didn't you just tell me? I've been worrying for weeks."

Salazar blinked at him. "You have?"

The genuine surprise on his face was too much. Godric moved closer and put his arm around the younger wizard's shoulders.

"Of course I was," he said quietly. "You should know that by now."

Salazar had stiffened automatically, but didn't try to wriggle free. "But the way I've been acting-"

"Is perfectly understandable under the circumstances, though next time I would rather you told me instead of trying to deal with it by yourself."

Salazar looked away. "It is not an easy thing to talk about."

"I know." He hesitated a moment, but after everything he had heard, it seemed only fitting to share something of his own. "My mother died when I was a boy," he said softly. He felt Salazar tense and moved to reassure him. "It was a sickness, but even now that day remains a difficult one."

Salazar shivered. "I am sorry."

"So am I. But she would not want me to grieve forever. She would have wanted to see me live a happy life." Salazar nodded slowly, but Godric was surprised to see him pale. "Salazar?"

"My parents never approved of the Dark Arts," Salazar whispered. "They would hate what I have become."

"They would love you," Godric corrected gently. "They would rejoice that you have turned away from that, but they would never have stopped loving you. That's what parents do."

Salazar didn't reply, and Godric didn't press him. He could only imagine what the past few years had been like for him. Little wonder he had developed such a destructive coping mechanism. But he didn't have to stay that way. Godric knew that one talk would not erase all those years of pain, but it could be a start. If Salazar would let it.

After a long moment, Salazar let out a shaky sigh.

"When did you become so wise?"

"I've always been wise. You just haven't been listening."

"Yes. That's definitely what's happened."

Godric gave him a light shake. "Cheeky." He was too glad to see the light back in Salazar's eyes to be too annoyed though, and he didn't even try to suppress his grin when he felt Salazar relax a bit more. "Will you be all right?"

Salazar considered the question for some time. "I do not know," he admitted. "I hope so."

Godric nodded. "Well, if you ever need to talk, or even someone to hurl spells at, just let me know."

Salazar blinked up at him. "Really?"

"I could use the practice."

Salazar managed a slight smirk. "Indeed. We don't want you getting out of shape." He yawned, then his cheeks tinged pink. Godric was careful to keep from grinning.

"Is someone tired?"

"No."

"It would be perfectly understandable," he said thoughtfully. "That was a lot of magic earlier."

"Shut up, Godric."

Godric chuckled and ruffled his hair. There was a low growl. "Godric..."

"My apologies." He sat back, content to enjoy the sun.

"Godric."

Godric opened his eyes and looked down. "Yes."

There was a pause, then a quiet voice came. "Thank you."

Godric smiled. "Any time."

They sat in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Eventually, Godric stirred. "I suppose we should be getting back. I don't know about you, but I'm starting to feel rather peckish." There was no reply. "Salazar?" He looked down and this time he didn't even try to hold back his smile. Salazar's head had tipped forwards, but his eyes had closed, and his breathing was deep and even. Godric shook his head fondly.

"And this is what happens when you spend all your magic on flashy spells."

Even as he spoke, he tilted Salazar's head down so that it rested on his shoulder. No sense in leaving him to wake up with a stiff neck. Salazar mumbled something, but didn't wake. Godric stared down at him, suddenly realising that Salazar had effectively trapped them both there. He shrugged and leant back against the rocks. Salazar could use the rest, and it wasn't like he had had any plans anyway. Plus he couldn't wait to see the expression on the younger wizard's face when he realised what had happened.

As he sat there, he found his mind drifting back to his words from that morning.

I must admit though that he is beginning to worry me. His behaviour has been odd of late, and he is refusing to tell me why.

Well, he certainly understood now. He didn't like it. Not one bit. But now he could do something about it. Godric allowed a smile to cross his face as he composed the rest of the message.

_But I believe we are going to be fine._


End file.
